2011

What a year this has been.

I have lost a dear family member, had one of my children leave home, had another graduate high school and start college and my youngest came out as bi-sexual and possibly poly.

I have had three car accidents in the last year. One has left me injured and fighting with insurance companies to recognize the loss to me as something very significant. The change to my life has been profound. I can no longer scene as I once did and I seem to have nearly lost my entire ability to bottom. I am so saddened by this loss to an aspect of my lifestyle. I can not trust that anyone can Top me and not cause me to miss a significant amount of work due to recovery. What used to take me a few days of slowing down and taking it easy, now is something I can not even come close to.

I want to cry thinking about this, and writing this now my heart is in my throat. I can count on one hand the amount of times I have played since April and every time, the next day I am nearly bedridden. Despite being extremely careful, and making sure the scene was short and did not even go one quarter of the way to what I used to be capable of.

I have Topped a few times and enjoyed myself mightily, I still have the ability to be a sadistic teasing bitch and that brings a certain satisfaction. I am unable to use impact toys with satisfactory force or repetition. I am left with canes and switches. Floggers, bats, and any other heavy striking implements are now completely beyond me. I can swing a flogger for less than 10 minutes and the heavy ones are less than five.

Will this come back? I have no way of knowing. But how do I convince an insurance company that my lifestyle has been so drastically changed and that I should be compensated in some way for it?

It is a depressing thought to be under this certainty that I will never experience the euphoric high of a 3 or 4 hour long impact play scene again. That such a thing would mean the next two days I would be a bit stiff and sore.. but now.. I would likely be bedridden for a week.

So I am faced with what to do with my blog. This was originally created to hold the stories of the scenes I was in or imagined. That purpose is now greatly disabled. I have a long and colourful history to draw from. Do I want to? I hate writing about things that happened long ago.

Should I shut my blog down? Go dormant while my injury continues to heal?

I am at a loss of what 2012 will bring.

I have started the process to getting my bachelors degree and will be going to school full time and working full time. How much time do I have to devote to this?

I have no answers. I welcome yours. Would you as my readers want to hear my fantasies and my past excursions into all things kinky?

Only hopes and dreams that 2012 will be so much more than 2011 was.