Love

I like wanting it keeps me hungry and on my toes. Needing just seems to make me weak and messy. I hate both traits, especially in myself.

I always sucked at writing love poems. When I tried it would take me months to write each stanza. I thought at first it was because the emotion was so involving but then I realized that I just didn't feel it like others would write about.

Love should fit in a neat tidy little box and when I want to feel it I just pull the box out, look at it and rub it into my skin like a rich ladies perfumed lotion. Nourishing my soul from the outside in. Taking what I want and leaving the rest in the box. Putting the lid on it and placing it back on the shelf until next time I want to feel.


It has always felt to me that while I am capable of love, I am never capable of loving as much as the person who loves me.

I have never felt that desperate sort of love. The kind where you feel like every single breath you take that isn't filled with the scent of your love, is toxic. The kind of love that makes you beg, that makes you wish you could crawl inside the other persons skin just so you can get close enough to them finally.

I haven't known this love. Maybe it just isn't part of my makeup to love someone so desperately. I hate being needy maybe that is it.

I have felt the instant jolt of a connection that seems to go beyond a handshake and ignites my life blood with fire that causes me to burn. Burning with desire to have that person with me.  But that is more desire than love.

Maybe it is need. I have never NEEDED anyone. I don't really know how to need anyone. I tried once a long time ago to need someone and it failed. So why do it again?

Isn't it better to want? To know that despite all the flaws you want that person. In spite of any failures, shortcomings, or odd little habits. To embrace it all and say, I still want you. Isn't that better?

I want you. Above everything else.