Sacrifice

She lays on the ritual table, limbs restrained by leather thongs that do nothing to hold her still. They only serve to keep her on the table. Her clothing is fine white linens that is billowing around her like a soft white cloud.

She has consented to this act and he confirms the consent again. Then the room grows dark.

She is surrounded on all sides by candlelight, she can hear low chanting almost a murmur of voices, cascading like stream water over river rocks. It is cool and she shivers, feeling the hairs on her neck rising as goose pimples cover her arms and legs.

He has a long sharp black dagger and he is standing above her silent. The chanting around her grows louder and fills her ears, fear rises in her throat and her pulse quickens. She must remember her purpose, and holds her esolve firmly in front of her.

His blade flashes along the razor sharp edge as he lowers it and cuts through the linens that were her only protection. Shuddering she holds deathly still while her screams echo inside her head.

He is cutting her skin along her belly in a long slow stroke. The knife is sharp as a scalpel, but his desire is to cause her as much agony as she can bear. The knife moves ever slowly down her belly to her pelvic bone.

She is lost in the hot pain that radiates through her. She feels her blood weeping through the wound he is carving in her sensitive skin and she sobs in a release of emotion. Her blood is collected in a silver cup as it oozes down her body. The smell of it is strong and coppery.

He is salivating as he collects her life essence and he continues on with his cutting. Looking in her eyes he sees pain, fear, excitement. She is fairly glowing in her lust, in her desire to be this sacrifice.

He has carved the Goddess' symbol into her tummy, her skin shall bear her mark until as a corpse it rots off her bones, returning her to the earth where her life began. His hand smears the edges of the blood seeping from Her emblem, fingers coating in her essence. He moves lower and smudges the blood on her bared vulva.

She gasps and screams feeling his hand part her lips wide and the hilt of his dagger slides inside her. Her cum gushes out over his bloodied blade. Pain orgasm washed into and blended in her female lust.

More blood as he bring the chalice close and drips it onto her clitoris. It has cooled slightly and she is startled as he lowers his head and sucks the coppery bits from her lips.

Orgasm sweeps through her again, a storm of pleasure and pain cresting and building and overtaking her senses.

She loses consciousness.

When she awakes she is no longer tied down.

The candles have burned low, she is laying in the linen rags that have been torn and bloodied.

His hood is back and he is washing the sigil carved into her tummy. Warm water trickling deliciously over her flesh and washing the blood away. She admires his rugged handsome face as he cares for her. Emotions well up inside her and tears trickle down her cheeks.

He has marked her, now all will see and know she belongs to the Goddess. Sacrificed in pain and pleasure, Her emblem will become a shiny scar that will bear witness to her pain rights.

White Pain

Pain causes explosions in my brain. The white hot star exploding kind. Here is a good example.

I lay still, a sharp blade in his hand. I am on my stomach and panting into the blanket I have buried my face into. My ass is his canvas.

He is dragging the sharp edge over my skin and I can feel it parting the first layers. He mentions that blood has welled up and I whimper into the blanket. He is laughing.

The knife point drags over my flesh and a sharp white flash brightens behind my eyes. He drags the knife and I watch the white stain smear behind my eyelids. It is tracking with the caress of his blade. His hand slides over my ass and I feel fear as he parts my legs. The sharp point jabbing at my lips and scratching them.

I shudder but don't dare move, whimpering no and hiding as much as I can from him. Sparklers are going off now as the point jabs and calls my attention to my flesh that is swollen and slick wet with my desire. I shudder and have a pain orgasm, the burning White fire exploding and rushing to warm my body.

Fear that he will tear me apart starts over taking me. His knife is at the back of my neck and scratches hard down my spine. This one breaks skin and blood wells.

I muffle my scream and hold still, terrified.

Masochist

I am a masochist. I have always been this way for as long as I can remember.

When I was a child I was a scratcher. I would scratch myself with needles and anything sharp at all. The sharp edge on a plastic item would cause me to become blissed out at a very young age. I remember being around 8 and brushing my hair with one of those really stiff bristled brushes. My hair was laying down my back and over my shoulders in long rippling waves and it was summer so I was wearing a tube top. The bristles scraped down my back and shoulders as I brushed my hair. I can remember shivering in delight as they dragged across my sun browned skin and turned it a bright red. My skin protesting the abuse as my nerve endings sent pleasure sensations coursing through me.

At 10 I discovered that the pain sensations were pleasurable from impact. My father had given me a beautiful leather belt for my birthday. I was amazed by the texture of this animal skin. So supple and soft, yet strong. I don't remember the first time it struck my bare skin, I know it was accidental. I know the strike caused my pulse to race and breath to quicken. I know it was followed quickly by more. I bruised myself and my mom was very distressed when she saw that. She told me that bruises were ugly. I couldn't see ugliness in them. The were glorious reminders of pleasure.

I spent my entire childhood being sexually assaulted by various people who were in positions of power over me. Sex became something different to me. An expression of love. And hate. I don't remember my first orgasm I must have been extremely young. Sexual acts had a physical pleasure that was separated from anything emotional or anything cerebral at all as I would disassociate during the abuse. My body would react with orgasms, but my mind was elsewhere.

I do remember when I started to masturbate at around 9 and have orgasms. I would disassociate from that as well.

Until pain. Pain was mine. Pure. Untainted by any abuses.

Cleansing.

Jarring.

Pain was grounding. Yet freeing.

At 12 I started cutting.

At 14 I started burning.

Each level of pain I climbed higher with, I achieved a new sense of purity. A new sense of balance.

I remember heating metal pieces in fire. 14 years old, a few friends around, one was a boy I was fucking. I plucked the shard of metal from the fire. It was glowing red hot. He asked me what I was going to do with it. I told him it was to mark me. He didn't believe I would do it.

I was staring at it, eyes bright in pain lust. The red glow reflecting in my clear green gaze. I licked my lips. My nipples were erect and I was soaking wet. Every nerve ending in my body was clamoring and banging. Almost as if begging for it to be placed, here on my thigh, here on my tummy, no here on my breast..

The red glow fades, I know I can't have it to hot or the metal will go past my skin and into my flesh. I wait and turn it over and over with the tongs. My friends are jeering now, daring me and calling me a wimp. I can't hear them much through the blood that is pumping hard and fast. Ears hearing only that rushing and thumping of my excitement.

I bare my thigh, my free hand smoothing over my sensitive skin. I have goosebumps and am salivating. I wipe my mouth and push my hair back away so it hangs down my back. Intent now, I hover the piece above my thigh, I can feel the heat radiating.

My boyfriend, in an attempt to distract me, turns my face to his, and he sees close up for the first time the rapture that pain lust is causing. He is aroused by my intensity and His lips are on mine.

I drop the hot metal onto my thigh.

His kiss is firm and insistent and I allow him to rape my mouth with his tongue. Orgasm rips through me as the bright hot burn sweeps over my senses and obliterates everything but lust. White hot sparkles drift and float and burst behind my closed eyelids. Awash in the intensity of the burn, I am pliable and surrender to his kiss. Heart racing as I abandon inhibition and rub my nipples against his chest. I hear his groan and can feel his desire swell between us. I am in control of this moment, his lust following my own. Every pore, every cell is aflame in lust and I am pouring it out of me and into him. His hands tangle in my hair that is spilled down my back and tug at it unintentionally. I am transported, orgasm shudders through me again as the intensity drives my endorphins ever higher.

Far off, I hear my girlfriend gasp and start to scream "SHE DID IT"

The moment is torn from me as the lips retreat and he is pulling the metal off my leg. You can smell a faint scorched scent as if I had burnt a bit of my hair. My skin is yellow where the metal touched and red all around, as my body reacts and isolates the wound. Blood rushing to the site as my skin reacts and my body begins the healing process.

He is swearing at me and wiping his mouth. I taste faint copper and realize I must have bit him at some point. I lick his blood from my lip and murmur apologies. More lust raging inside me. He isn't really hurt but I have startled him. And he never kisses me again...

As an adult I had to hide my love for pain even more. Married to a vanilla man and being a mommy. I felt society would never accept a pain-lover.

Then I found BDSM online. Years of hiding fell away and freedom was at last granted to me. It has been a glorious 9 years or re-awakening and exploration.

Pain is ecstasy to me. It washes me in sensations that I cherish. Pain is my most longed for and loved companion. Sex is fun, but something entirely separate and distinctly different from the all encompassing enrapturing state that pain places me in.

My toy box is beginning to take over an entire closet now with instruments to cause levels of pain that I can experience and share with others.

I am always negotiating scenes and many are surprised when sex is no part of it. It is not required to get me off. Sex is intimate and.. sex is a different animal entirely.

Give me pain... I am very much a taker when it comes to the glory of pain.

Mr Bus Driver

I admit to having a thing for men in uniform. Women too but for some
reason a man in any uniform at all makes me wet.
They are simply.... Delicious!

It had been a long day at work. The hotel was busy and as front desk
manager it was my job to run around and put out fires all day. Now I
was walking on tired feet to the bus stop so I could go home.

It was very late and my heels clattering on the pavement was the only
sound except cars driving by.

My tailored suit was rather rumpled looking and my bag was slung
carelessly over one shoulder.

I could hear the bus coming and started running to the stop. My heel
chose that moment to crack and break. Stumbling I pulled off my heels
and ran for it. Heedless to the sidewalk destroying my silk stockings.

The bus pulled to the curb and I stepped on flashing my pass and
collapsing onto the first seat. A shoe in either hand, I abruptly
burst into tears.

"Rough day?" The bus drivers voice sounded soothing and compassionate.

"Heh you could say that!" I sniffled and set my shoes down to rummage
in my bag for tissues as the motion of the bus rocked me gently. It
felt so good to be going home.

I glanced around and realized it was just myself and the driver. I
stuck my shoes in my bag and took a closer look at him.

He was really young. Maybe 30 at the oldest but looked 22. Why do
redheads look so young? No matter, I admired his unruly mop of red
curls and felt a familiar stir in my loins.

We started chatting and I found out this was his last run. His car was
parked at the station. I looked down at my torn stockings and
wondered.. So I asked if he lived anywhere near my house. He shot a
look sideways at me. A soft smile played across his lips. His lips
were very pale and looked so soft.

I suggested that he could play knight in shining armor twice in one
night. Lifting a foot and showing him my foot clad only in a torn
silken bit of stocking. Flashing my leg under my skirt and knowing it.

"I can give you a ride home."

I wasn't looking for a ride in his car at that moment,but it would do for now.

At the station he tells me to stay on a bench and comes back for me
with his car. Nothing fancy but again I was much more interested in
the man.

I get in when he opens the door for me and once I am settled provide
my address.

We arrive at my house and he looks out at it. I tell him thanks for
the ride and wait for it. He hops out and opens my door for me. I slip
out and stand there looking up at him.

Impulsively I ask him to come in. Resting a hand on his arm and
feeling his strength.

He is kissing me in a soft leisurly kiss. I feel his tongue slide out
to taste me and press close to him.

The next thing I know we are in the entrance way and he is undressing
me. I am trembling so hard with desire I can barely undo his pants
before dropping to my knees and enfolding his cock in my wet eager
mouth.

He is groaning and I have slid my hands inside his pants and tugged
them down while suckling at his tool. He is so hard and he smells
amazing! My hands find his butt cheeks and squeeze them pulling him
closer to my mouth.

More I need more. I rise and pull him to the bedroom kissing him and
stroking his cock as we go.I pull his clothing off, hallway strewn
with the evidence of my hunger.

Pushing him onto the bed I straddle him and rub my dripping eager
pussy on his hard cock while I feed him my nipples. He has a talented
tongue and I must experience it. Clambering around so I am sitting on
his face I reach back to stroke him and fondle his balls as his tongue
dives between my lips.

It is going to be a long night....

Oh The Burn

He had turned the bed into a bondage platform by tying rope around the
matress at the head and foot.

"Take your clothes off," was his stern order.

I clasped my arms around my chest tightly and wondered at what he had planned.

"I'm shy," was my reply and in that moment I was very shy and wanting
to hide myself.

I had been pushing for a scene and he had finally relented and I could
feel his anger coming off him in hot waves.

Trembling, afraid and self concious as he fixed his blue eyed glare on me.

"Yes sir."

I stripped quickly and as soon as I was naked he pushed me face down
on the bed. Tying my wrists and ankles so I was spread eagle.

My wetness showing to him I moaned slightly when I felt his finger
inserted into my ass.

Ooo he knows how I adore ass play. I am relaxing and thrusting into
him as much as the ropes will allow.

Wanting to cum now and whimpering my need he pulls his fingers from my
ass and I feel cool drips of water. What is he doing?

I hate cold and wonder if he is planning ice play as some form of punishment.

I feel him poking at my ass again and then thrusting a cold hard butt
plug inside me.

Mmm more ass play. He starts spanking me. Hard uneven spanks and I
squirm and my ass clenches around the butt plug.

I start screaming in a high pitched wail and struggling hard against my bonds.

"It burns! Oh fuck! Save me please! Oh no no please sir NOOOOOOO"

I am babbling incoherently and jerking randomly at the ropes
attempting to free myself while my ass is on fire!

He stops spanking me and grabs a handful of my hair, yanking my face
close to his.

His eyes are icy like artic waters and they show no mercy. His love
for me is banished to some distant memory and I am his puppet.
Screaming and crying tears streaming as he slaps my face and tells me
I am getting exactly what I asked for.

Gasping, crying, and choking as he releases my hair any pickes up what
looks like a thin stick.

"This is for your pee hole girl." He is so calm and matter of fact.

I am screaming no as he moves between my legs and slides it into my ureathra.

Shrieking I gush as I orgasm and he twists the ginger butt plug in my ass.
He pulls his paddle out of his bag and starts marking me.

"Selfish greedy pain slut." He is cursing me as he beats me.

I spasm as another orgasm tears through me and I squirt soaking the bed.

He pulls the ginger from my holes and unties me slowly.

I lay there shaking and crying.

Breathless and brutalized I hear him laugh as he flips me over and
lays a carved piece on top of my clit.

"EeeeeeEEEE" I am screaming and struggling to get away.

He merciless and I am helpless to his will.

Ripped Apart

It is early and the day has begun. The men will want everything ready.

She stretches, arching her back cat-like and crawls to edge of her
sleeping pallet. She recognizes the aches and pains from the vigorous
tasks of last day and merely smiles.

She crosses to the door and enters the washroom. She sets the timer to
5 minutes, this is all the personal care time she is allowed. She
turns on the shower and squats backwards over the toilet while the
water warms up.

She emerges from the bathroom rubbing herself with the harsh towel,
steam billowing out around her. She hangs her damp towel after drying
her waist length hair.

The men are awake she can hear them in the kitchen. Excitement
quickens her pulse and she hurrys to join them.
There are four of them ranged about the table and she trembles
slightly as she stands to the side and attempts to be invisible. She
is not permitted speech, everyday she starts with only two rights, one
is the shower and the other is to rise and join them.

The sandy haired man is watching her and she blushes, last night his
hands were so rough on her that today she has purpling finger and hand
prints. She was thrilled that he wanted her so much.

He gestures and she glides forward to him. He gestures to the table
and she starts to turn to face it when he grabs her, rising so quickly
from his chair that it tumbles over.

She squeaks, his hand has tangled in her hair and is pulling her so
she is forced to lay back on the table. She struggles against it but
the others join in and there are to many hands pulling her down now.

Her arousal is obvious in her erect nipples and the blush that has
risen on her chest. Her heart is fluttering wildly and she is scared
but hungry for what ever the men have planned.

Sandy is telling the others to hold me down. He pinches her nipples
and she crys out in agony and ecstasy. He slaps her tits around and
leans down to bite her nipples as he squeezes her tits. The
stimulation of her breasts overwhelms her and she teeters on the edge
of orgasm. Whimpering and bucking her hips she feels his hand slide
down her tummy and to her sopping wet labia. His thumb and forefinger
find her throbbing, swollen clit and as her bites down harder he
pinches her clit.

Her orgasm rages through her like wildfire. She is crying out at the intensity.

He releases her nipple and walks around to stand between her legs.
Looking down at her cum drenched pussy, she is blushing wildly and
being so exposed, why is it so hard for her to accept when others give
her pleasure instead of just pain?

She squirms against the hands holding her as he grabs her inner lips
and pulls the wide open. Oh her pink depths are bright red and
glistening in greedy desire. He comments to the rest of the men that
he will need lube and a bottle of it is produced.

She doesn't understand how she couldn't be wet enough for anything he
could do to her. When she sees him slipping on a latex glove and
lubing all the way to his wrist.

Panic starts thrashing wildly inside her. He is going to put his huge
fist inside her! No no no she doesn't want this it will tear her in
half! The hands hold her firmer and she feels his gloved fingers start
pressing inside.

Two fingers inside and stretching and fucking her eager hole. Her face
is flaming in a blush as she realizes how she wants this.

Four fingers now, she is gaping and pleading and struggling against
tears. Her pussy is so full and so stretched. The other men start
rubbing her arms and legs to get her to relax a bit.

His hand is hearly inside now and her opening to her vagina is
stretched taunt. She is gasping in great breaths of air and trying to
relax, knowing he means to have her whether she wants it or not.

Her orgasm is building and his fist pops inside her and she screams.
Her entire body writhing as her passion uncoils and spreads to every
cell. Fire rages through her mind as he rocks his fist inside her and
uses his thumb knuckle to press her g-spot. She screams incoherently
and her cums gushes and squirts. Her pussy is squeezing his fist and
he holds his hand inside her.
As her orgasm subsides his fingers are back at her clit, pinching it
hard and suddenly the blue eyed man to her right growls and attacks
her nipples with her teeth violently.

She squeals and twists and is completely helpless, there on the table,
spread eagle.

Ripped apart by an insistent fist and that is beating her from the
inside out. Clit torn at and breasts devoured.

Orgasms flow through her in an unending river of bliss. She becomes
her pleasure and wanders lost among the sparkles of lust that bind her
more fast than any rope could.

*side note, mobile blogging is a complete pain in the butt especially
when using a mini keyboard. Hopefully my internet is fixed tonight!*

Lil' Sammy Mover

I have officially moved myself and my teenagers to a beautiful new
home. I am so thrilled at the turn my life has taken recently and I
find myself expressing thanks and gratitude.

It has been a difficult 18 months and being who I am I have done some
things to cope that I wouldn't normally do. It is good to feel like it
is coming to a close and that I can now proceed with putting my life
in order.

One of the things I love about me is my connection with the earth and
with people. I am a peace loving hippie at heart and it feels great to
shake off the fears and anger and embrace self love and tolerance.

During my move I had 4 people who were infinite in the volumes of help
they gave. 3 being my gorgeous children and the last being my
beautiful girl. I can not express enough thanks to these people. I
love them all and it feels so good to be loved by them.

Two more people helped me out. One was kind enough to take time from
her busy schedule and come help out in my kitchen. Her hard work and
patience are appreciated.

The last I could not have done without. His patience was golden and
his pausing to give me "daddy" hugs helped keep me from coming
unglued. From driving the truck to loading it and organizing unruly
teens into moving machines that worked. This man was my hero for the
day.

Thank you.

I wanted to add here that when we went to pick up the moving truck it
was thrilling to me to see my truck nicknamed "Lil' Sammy Mover" how
apt!

I will continue to be the domestic goddess that I excel at being now.
Happy and warm in my ne home.

Good chi, fill me!

boys boys boys

Ah I do so love the scent of a sexy confident man. You know that
strong clean "I am powerful" smell.

So I am in the elevator and a favorite man I know gets on. Inhaling
his scent as he wiggles through the crowd to stand beside me. We chat,
I fix his collar.

*swoon*

I am in lust, this particular person has held my attention for months.
The sad thing is I will never move beyond casual flirting as he is a
colleague.

Bummer.

Standing beside him and sharing his air is as close as I will ever get
to bedding this delicious person.

I really do need to braoden my horizons *grin*

Loss

I have lost a playmate. Last night our short but passionate
relationship came to a close.

I wasn't going to write about how I was feeling here as I know he
reads my blog and I didn't want him to know how I was feeling. It is
my selfishness that I do not like to share my vulnerabilites with
others. I fear rejection when I express anything but strength or the
fun things people like to be around. I hide away my fears and sadness
to protect myself from this.

In the end it doesn't matter who reads this or not. The words I write
are mine, for me. I am no less passionate in my grief than I am in any
other aspect of my life.

So today I ache with loss, I liked this person very much and it is
rare I form sexual bonds. It must sound so strange to anyone who reads
my blog but I only have one male sex partner at a time. I do not tend
to take intimacy lightly. Whether with a man or woman.

That is not to say I don't play with multiple people. It is to say I
only have intercourse with people I am emotionally attached to. Or
that I expect to become attached to.

So I am crying. The emotions and caring do not stop merely because we
have parted ways. I feel emotions like love so deeply, even the love
for a casual friend has the power to feel devestating in its loss.

This was more than merely a casual friend to me.

I will hurt for awhile and say never again for awhile. Eventually I
will be ok and move on.

We did have a lot of fun, and I will cherish those memories. I may
even write more of them here. Hard to say at this moment.

Here and now I cleanse my heart with tears.

The Bat

On Saturday I scened with a long time Dom friend at a public party. I haven't been in that space for quite some time as I have been busy with other endeavors.

Before I go to far let me state very clearly that none of our negotiation involved my genitals or anyone elses, and not once was my vulva touched. You will see my reason for clarifying this later.

I asked him to hurt me. I asked him to take me higher than I had ever been. I asked him to make me beg. I asked him to mark me.

I received everything I asked for.

Two and a half hours of him beating on me with flogger, canes, crops, quirts, a wartenburg wheel, vampire gloves and a bat.

Yes a bat.

A nerf foam covered bat. He declared after that he was striking me as hard as he could with everything he gave to me. I can still hear the "WHUMP WHUMP" of the bat hitting my ass.

He hit me so hard I was being moved from side to side.

He had a vampire glove on the entire time and kept stroking my beaten flesh with it. Adding tiny scratches and pokes with his carresses and squeezes.

Delicious.

We had company at the end of the scene. A lovely Domme who joined us and used flogger, and hands to beat me even higher into the rafters.

Blissed out on the joy that is endorphines she began attacking me with chopsticks.

Yes I did say chopsticks.

Oh my dear god I will fear chopsticks for the remainder of my life.

The scene ended with Mistress Evil Evil Evil Evil (my new name for her) flogging my back while the Dom flogged my tits with a horsehair flogger. My brain went on overload within five minutes and I begged for it to end.

I am a pain slut, and achieved orgasm three times while playing. It was incredible and the third was startling in the intensity of it. Each orgasm brought me to the brink of tears.

Ah such wonderful friends I have.

Vulva

The smooth soft mound decends to the fleshy outer labia. Ah how
delicious the sensations when legs are spread wide and the pink bits
are exposed. Delightful the inner lips pointing the way to the
clitorous and its myriad of nerve endings.

Lovely to lick and nibble this tender node and offer pleasure to its
owner. Watch it fill and engorge with blood as it strains to reach new
heights of ecstasy.

Follow those sensitive inner lips now to the deep pleasure that coils
inside the vagina. Stroke the entrance well and build the
anticipation. Slide in the creamy wetness and seek the sweet spot
within rub it with a finger pad and feel it swelling.

Excitement builds until, at last, cresting the waves of pleasure. The
flood gushes and soaks in sweet juices.

Nectar of the goddess flowing freely.

Bliss.

Bathtime

I am greeted at the door by my naked man. He takes my jacket and purse, squatting in front of me and removing my shoes. No words are said, he knows exactly what is needed.

He takes my hand and leads me to the bathroom where steam is curling from the hot bubble bath he has drawn for me. I smile at him as he gently removes my clothing. He places them aside and gestures to the edge of the bath.

I step forward and stretch my arms high above my head, allowing tendrils of steam to play over my skin. He has taken up my hair brush and is smoothing the gentle waves of my hair. Coiling it and pinning it on top of my head and out of the way. Inhaling the lovely scent of lavender and vanilla.

His hand grazes down my back softly, his carress a soft reminder of his caring for me. He offers his arm and assists me into the bath.

I stretch out and enjoy the delicious hot water embracing me. My toes peeking out from the foam of the bubbles, only my shoulders, neck and head exposed. I sigh in contentment and close my eyes.

He kneels beside the tub and waits for me to indicate that I am ready.

I open my eyes and smile at him. He picks up a fluffy washcloth and dips it in the water.

I close my eyes again as he gently washes my face, his hand gliding the wet cloth down to my throat and rubbing across to my shoulders.

Relaxed now, I allow him to raise my arm in one hand and wash it gently with the other. His hand lowers my arm and raises the other. Ah! It is such decadence in allowing him to care for me in this intimate space.

His hands slide under the water and he carresses my breasts as he rubs them with his cloth. Down my tummy and over my hips, he lifts my legs one at a time and washes them, wiggling the cloth between each of my toes. I am blissed out, floating in this ecstasy of tenderness. His hand strokes the bottom of each foot gently and I feel the last bit of tension dissolve from my body.

His hands slide back up between my thighs, opening my legs to wash my vulva gently. He is infinitely pleasing in his regard for my comfort, as his fingers gently part the folds and the warm water soothes.

I sit up and his hands are washing my back and shoulders, here his touch is firmer, nearly a massaging carress. I curl my arms around my legs and rest my chin on my knees.

"MMMMMM" is the first sound made since my arrival and it signals that he may speak.

"Goddess is pleased?"

"Yes" my response simple as I relax my thoughts at his touch.

I rise up out of the tub and step on the plush towel where he kneeled moments before. In his hands is a large warm bath sheet. He pats me dry gently, wrapping me in the warmth.

He has lotion now and is warming it in his hands before rubbing me all over with it.

MMMmmmm heaven... How rarely do I allow myself such sweet indulgence.

Predator

I had tied him to the pillar by his wrists. He was blindfolded. I had spent some time flogging him, using crops and canes and spanking with my bare hands. I put nipple clamps on him (he hates them). And I wanted better access to the front of his body.

I untied one hand and had him step to the side. One hand remained tied to the pillar with a silk scarf. Blindfold still on.

I start spanking him and he is covering his ass with his hand. I blow him until he is hard an tie his free wrist to his dick. Thinking... If he jerks he will pull his cock.

Silk scarves don't hold well on a straight hard surface. A few whacks of his bum with my bare hand and he has pulled his hand free.

He is no longer attempting to protect himself.

Now he is attempting to catch me.

He is blindfolded, but I am breathing hard and he can hear my footsteps. He has caught me twice now and I have managed to wiggle free.

I turn up the music.

It works for a few minutes. I am able to get a couple good swats and pinches in before he grabs me by my wrists and traps me between his bound hand and the pillar. His free hand is groping me.

I am becoming prey.

He pushes me over and shoves his dick in my ass and I scream. No warm up, no lube, I'm in pain.

I tear away and fight free calling him a bastard and crouching down by the pillar. He is sorry I can see it. I am crouching and trying to still the pain receptors that are firing in my ass. Ow.... I swat at him, somehow the blindfold has come off. Did I take it off him? I am swatting at him again and dodging out of the way. He is grunting and growling. He is apologizing and asking if I am ok.

I swat him a few more times and call him names. I'm sore but ok, no damage has been caused.

Now he is free of the pillar and coming at me. Pinning me to the pillar and kissing me hard. I bite at his lips and struggle and squirm. He is growling and his strength is overwhelming. I bit at his shoulders and arms, anything to try and free myself.

He is biting my neck and growling like the savage beast that he is. I feel the first twinge of fear. It makes me hot. I push back and tell him to get on the floor.

I am fucking him and cumming all over his cock. I climb off suck him for a minute and then start to move away.

He has caught me again in an instant. There is no getting away from him. If he wants me he will have me.

I am shuddering in desire.

I am struggling to break free and he has picked me up and thrown me to the floor in an instant. I did not fall hard, I remember my amazement at that. He is on top of me, inside me, surrounding me. I am struggling to get away, sliding backwards away from him. Biting anywhere I can, my fingernails are raking and digging into him.

He starts hurting me. Biting nipples and breasts. I don't remember how I got there but I am backed against the chaise and he has an abrasive glove on and is squeezing my tits. My nipples pinched in that claw like glove.

I am screaming and begging... I want more but it is to much already. His hands scrapes down my tummy and I writhe, in ecstasy and agony. His hand grips my pussy and grinds the lips in that sharp scratchy glove.

I am cumming all over the glove.

It is running down my thighs in a flood. He takes the glove away and comments on the fluids I have given him. I am in tears, crying and gasping. So overcome by emotion.

In that moment he owns me.

Still gasping, still crying I have curled up in a crouching ball at his feet. A sense of worship washes over me. I want to show him how I feel and can't. I can't allow myself that vulnerability. I stuff it back inside and work on showing him my pleasure instead.

Worshipping his sex, shoving his cock in my throat and swallowing as he tells me how he wants to push that glove inside me. How he wants to tear me up inside.

I want it.. need it.. can't say yes. It's to intense, and to admit my depraved desires is a weakness I can't show.

He helps me rise and bends me over the chaise.

His hand is back in the glove.

He slides his hand over my ass and between my thighs. I am gasping and crying.. yes I think to myself, this is what I want.

His gloved hand is inside me. Sharp points scratching and tearing. I am squirting cum and it is dripping down to my ankles.

Humiliated and vulnerable, I shudder and cry as he teases me about the mess. I can't hide my desire from him.

We break for a drink of water. I get giggly and we have a water fight in the kitchen. A cold water fight. It is refreshing and pulls me back from that floaty weird sub space where he is my God and I live to serve him.

We towel off and crawl into bed.. He is cuddling me, and I am allowing him to (weird) he is suddenly tender and caring.

He starts talking about the glove and how he wants to fuck me with it again. I am begging him no, but secretly wanting it. He knows. He knows I am now craving for him to ruin me.

He gets up and get something out of his pants pocket. I have no idea what it is.

Cold steel is pressed again my back.

"NO!" I dare not move. Fear is shining bright in my eyes.

His blade is in his hand.

Terror is threatening, I look at him wild eyed and whimper. He is running the sharp edge over my body. It is not a smooth edge, it is scalloped which means sharp but also pointy, at more than just the tip. He is sliding the sharp edge so the points all drag.

I am nearing tears. He is holding my nipple captive between his thumb and the edge of his blade. I am begging him. Shaking and begging him not to cut off my nipple.

He moves away and I am hiding myself behind my arms. I don't want him to cut me and that knife is so sharp and the expression on his face is hungry, lustful and I need more.

I am a fear slut, this is my new revelation.

He tells me to lay back, be still and move my arms.

Black wings beat at the edge of my vision. My goddess is here and she is wrapping me in darkness. The cloud descends and I wander in the deep pit of desire.

He is telling me how he could pierce my nipple, he could cut it right off. I am whimpering and watching fearfully as his knife glides over me. Down my tummy those sharp points go, not hard enough to cut, only hard enough to scrape.

He is seated now between my legs, he has pulled them open and he is holding my clit at knife point. Talking about cutting it.

I am crying out no and begging him not to take my pleasure from me. The knife descends, he is holding my labia in his fingers and the sharp points are poking me. I am screaming and begging him not to cut me.

I feel the cold steel pressing inside me. I am shuddering and waves of pleasure mix with my fear. My hips rock and I cum on the now sheathed blade that he is fucking me with.

He pulls it from me and wipes the blade still sheathed against my thigh.

Blood.

I gasp in fear. I feel no pain but what has happened!

He tells me I am cut inside from the glove about an inch in. He slides back up beside me and holds me gently.

His knife has been put aside. His fingers are caressing my cheek. I am calming slowly, burying my face in his chest. Burrowing close to his warmth.

I am still shuddering, my vagina has begun to ache in a deep slow ache.

He tries to get me to talk to him.. I can not describe what has come over me. We cuddle and I drift back to the light.

His darkness has been only glimpsed, I yearn for more.

Bottoming

There is a profound difference to me in regards to bottoming, submitting and being enslaved. I have experienced all three in different levels. I prefer to bottom or submit only briefly.

I can not after my last scene say I never submit anymore. I submitted, after a long struggling fight, to his will. It made for some amazingly hot action, and I am not certain anyone else could have pulled it off with me. I will write more about this later, once my brain has had a chance to catch up with all the action that happened.

So back on subject of bottoming. To me and in my own personal experience, being a bottom means I will consent to have my body and mind used in a scene in a submitting role with no expectations beyond the scene. This means, no aftercare (I don't want or need it) no sex (again not necessary) and no relationship is needed. It means the scene is completely negotiated, it is an exchange of power only in that I am allowing the Top to give me painful stimulus. The exchange comes from playing with a pain slut who will beg for more. I submit to mingled pain and pleasure... sadists take delight.

I bottomed for the first time in months yesterday. I have been having back issues and I very much crave intense scenes that leave me with bruise and cuts that take a month to heal. I have not been able to do this for over 6 weeks. A friend convinced me to come for a flogging massage.

I arrived took off my shirt and bra and we discussed where I was hurting, and what to watch for. We talked about different stimuli and then started to scene.

I am a pain slut. I am standing there topless and he is flogging my back and it feels really good but my lumbar is starting to ache. I stop him and bend over and put my hands on the floor next to my feet. He can not resist the target and starts flogging my butt. I grab onto my ankles as he flogs me through my pants.

It felt really good and I could feel something starting to loosen. So he pulls out his spanking bench and I curl up on top of it, knees on the lower and elbows on the higher parts. Comfy, I start relaxing and his flogger beats a steady drumming on my shoulders. I feel euphoric and at peace drifting in and out of awareness.

I am being lulled, when he switches to a different flogger. This one stings. He hits my back a few times and I am whimpering and crying out to him to stop. He stops and I am up off the bench and pulling my pants off as fast as I can.

"I want it on my butt" I am back on the bench and sticking my ass out for that sting.

I had to yellow soon into it, as my butt hadn't been properly warmed up. He picked up the heavy thudding flogger and lay into my ass. It must have glowed a lovely shade of red by the time he finished.

I am relaxed again and breathing deep relaxing breaths as he picks up the stinging flogger and I am transported back to that sweet blissful place.

I don't know how long he flogged me but eventually I had to stop him as I was drifting towards sub-space and I knew I had a Topping scene later that day.

I stood up and he picked up the quirt.

I have on many occasions begged for this quirt. He began striking my breasts with it. I leaned into the blows and closed my eyes. Darkness crowds at the corners of my vision and I feel it welling within me. More, I need more, and more, and more, more. The thoughts echo and revolve and surround me.

I step back out of strike range and pull myself hard back to earth. I did not intend to fly in this scene.

The scene has ended at my request and I am panting as I dress and we go for lunch.

To me this is a good example of being a bottom. One that knows exactly what she wants and goes out to get precisely that.

Thank you, to my accommodating Top friend.

Spicy

I know I shouldn't do it but I simply can't resist.

I love to flirt. It is one of my favorite things in the entire world.

I am an elevator flirter. I think people who stand and stare at the
lighted numbers are bored and need some spice in their life. So I
flirt with them.

It does not matter if they are male or female I will toss my hair back
look them in the eye and offer some bit of flirty chit chat.

It always amazes me the different responses. Some openly flirt back,
and I have been known to get numbers that way! Some laugh it off. Some
mention they are married (I wasn't THAT flirty) and some do the
unthinkable and ignore me.

I hate being ignored. It riles me and I have been known to call out
after them with a huge smiles on my face "have a LOVELY day"

I have to be careful in enclosed spaces too. My sex drive is quite
high and I find myself fantasizing about being trapped with a few men
and them having their ways with me.

Whew! I must go back to work now.

daydreams

At work and daydreaming, when I was very young I saw porn that likely was my first indication that I was kinky. Here is a version of what it was mingled of course with my own kinky twists!

He has captured me and I am helpless against him. His strength is to much for me.

We are in his barn and I am bound and gagged in rough sisal that is burning and chaffing my skin at wrists, ankles and waist. My eyes are stinging with tears and he is tying me to a beam with long ropes so my hands are stretched high above me. My shoulders are straining and he places a bale of prickly straw under my feet he has me stand on it. My shoulders are relived slightly but now he is binding me by my waist to
a pillar that is directly behind me.

I struggle but the ropes are entirely to tight for this to do anything but make them dig into my flesh further. Begging behind my gag for freedom. My mind is racing with what he will do to me.

He picks up a long wooden bar and unties my ankles, the bar is placed
between them so my ankles are spread wide, feet still supported by bales. He slips rope between the eyehooks on either end and binds my ankles to them.

I am shuddering in fear. My body fully exposed to him.

He picks up a leather strap and swings it through the air so it whistles as it passes beside me. My bare ass is pressed against a beam, he can only mean to strike breasts and vulva with it.

The first strike falls hard across the top of my breasts and I scream.

He stops and pulls out his pocket knife. Terror as he advances, flipping the blade open and resting the edge against my cheek. I dare not move or breathe, body tensed. His blade slides under the rough rope at my cheek and wiggles as he cuts the rope. The blade is withdrawn and he pulls the gag from my clenched teeth.

"I want to hear everyone of your screams little girl."

His smile is sinister as he tosses the gag to the dirt floor and backs up to take another swing. This blow landes directly over my nipples and I scream in a high pitched wail.

He walks back to rub my breasts in his rough calloused hands. His eyes are gleaming and I am babbling incoherently.

Then he begins to beat my tits with hard sure strokes. My screams echo to the high rafters and I think surely someone will hear and save me.

No one comes.

He is using his strap against my pussy now. I am whimpering in between screams. My lips so swollen and welted. Yet the strikes continue.

I cry and beg for mercy as he slaps that strap harder and harder against my inner thighs. Desperately I am struggling, his arousal is plain on his face. He works his way behind me and manages to strike at my buttocks where there is not enough protection from the pillar.

Pleading for release pleading and telling him I will give him anything he wants. Anything at all.

He circles in front of me tossing the strap to the side and using his fingers to part my pussy lips wide. Oh! Agony in those aching lips.

"You are dripping wet in your lust. Filthy pain slut. You are already
giving me exactly what I want"

With that he thrusts fingers hard inside me and my orgasm rages
through me. Squirting out over his hand and forearm.

"And I shall have even more of you now girl"

He moves away sucking my cum from his fingers and picking up a cane.

He walks back up close to me so I can see this is no bamboo cane. It is made of blackberry and the thorns have been sanded off only where he is holding it in his hand.

I start to scream and beg, "NO NO NO PLEASE OH MY GOD NOOOOOOO"

He only smirks and steps back to take aim at my chest...

The Collar

I kneel before him, nervous and afraid. All of this is brand new. His hand slides over my cool skin softly and I shake in fear and desire.

I want this. I want his ownership of me.

His hands brush my hair off my neck and I am crying as he fastens the collar around my neck. Overwhelmed.

I am his, I place my trust, my well being and desires in his capable hands.

He stands me up and has me place my hands on the table.

I feel a rush of air go past me. The next swing of his flogger strikes my back. The stinging falls make me cry out.

Tears are falling and I am wrapped fully in the depths of my submission as he takes pleasure in my pain. The release is incredible and I feel the presence of the Goddess there with me. She lends me strength and changes the pain into pleasure.

I am swaying now and reaching into his swing. The pain is gone and each strike transports me to a higher state of bliss... I fly into the brightest night, blossoming desire staining the darkness with vivid patches of bright.

I am in his arms and my sex, my wet and greedy sex is being filled and orgasms are ripping through me. I am gasping and my nipples are caught in tight clamps as I buck and writhe. Begging for it to end, pleading for it to continue always...

I resurface, my body is tired and aching. He is beside me, hand on my tummy.

I touch his face gently, yes he is real. I touch my throat and feel the collar.

Yes I am his.

New Tricks

I am attempting to mobile blog.



It thrills me to think that I blog during my lunch hour at work. Supplying me with more opportunities to share my nasty kinky thoughts.



Yehaw! Let's go!

Bad Toy

I have been working on a scene with my toy for almost a week. Events made it impossible to play this way with him. Time, life, work, family, commitments to others kept getting in the way.

I lack patience, anyone who sees me in a scene knows whether I top or bottom I am active. I am moving, I am participating and vocal.

It comes from my impatience that I do not consent to intricate rope bondage scenes or scenes where I am required to be still or quiet. It doesn't appeal to me.

Waiting worries away at my patience.

I had to wait.

And wait..

And wait some more..

Until at last he had a measley two hours of time. Frustration set in. Anger tore through me relentlessly. 2 hours is not enough time to scene. Not enough time for much.

I won't scene when I am angry, but I will have sex. I tell him I will pick him up and he can eat my pussy for two hours "Yes Goddess"

I brought him over, in the car I tell him I didn't shave and he gets to spend the next two hours rubbing his tongue on my stubbly pussy. He carried my small scene bag in from the car. He stood there looking at me expectantly.

"No you can't kiss me. No you can't touch me. Take off your clothes." While he undresses I lay my new toys out on the table. He is making flattering comments about my outfit. I am ignoring him.

I am angry. "See these toys? I am not using a single one on you!"

I take him to the bedroom. I take off my clothes, I make him lay down. His dick is rock hard. I ignore it and straddle his face.

I make him lick and suck my pussy until I have cum. Climb off, lean over, suck his cock into my mouth and bite him. He is groaning. "Please goddess"

I tell him he is not allowed to cum. I climb onboard his dick and start fucking him. I am squirting all over his cock in about ten strokes. And soon again after. I lean forward and kiss him hard and then shove my nipple in his mouth.

I pull away and lay back. "Clean my pussy" He is quick to obey, damn he is good with his tongue. He is slurping and sucking all the juices off my thighs and pussy and ass. His tongue finds my clit and I tell him to bite it. He bites it and starts to move away,"I never said you could stop" His mouth is back. I cum twice more before I let him lay down beside me.

I tell him I am going to torment him, I grab his cock and press my finger against his pee-hole. Wiggling it so it presses inside, I tell him how I am going to carve ginger into a narrow sound and slide it into his dick. It will burn and he will beg me to stop. But before I start he will beg me to do it.

He is laughing and squirming and asking how I will convince him to beg for it. I reach up and grab his nipple in my fingernails and pinch hard. He is moaning and wants to defend his poor nipple but he promised before the two hours started that they are mine. I tell him, "figging your cock, or making your nipples bleed are your choices" He laughs and I know tomorrow I will have the ginger ready.

I swat his ass and roll him back over so I can suck his cock and balls. I lay back and tell him to fuck me.

He is fucking me and biting my nipples and begging to cum. I squirt on him again and tell him to get off me.

I grab his hand and lead him into the shower, showing him the grab bars so he doesn't slip. He wants to fuck so bad, he is sliding his cock between my lips and begging.

I bend over so he can fuck me and he is begging to cum as his balls against me and he buries himself deep. "NO"

He is groaning and I have pushed him against the cool back wall. I bend over and suck his cock into my mouth, sucking hard and biting but not stroking. His hands are in my hair and he is fucking my face and I pull away and slap him.

"NO"

I turn off the shower and hand him a towel so he can dry me off, once I am dry I hand him another towel so he can dry himself off. Direct him to dress.

I come out to the living room with my strap on. He wants me to fuck him so badly. I show him how it looks. He comes in close and rubs my cock in his hand. "Yes I can feel that on my clit" He smiles and kisses me. I take it off and get dressed.

Drive him to his meeting, telling him as we go that I will message him everytime I cum and he will not cum until the next time he sees me. And he best be doing a whole lot of begging or he won't cum then.

We will see how he does...

Cane

Crave the intensity of it.

No warm up.

Cane brought down hard and cutting against my bare ass.

Strike my thighs, my tummy, my breasts.

Welt and bruise me.

Tender flesh torn and battered.

Break the skin with the hard strikes.

Feel my passion flare and burst free of me.

Scream in agony.

In sweet blissful pain.

Overtaken in a tide of red desire.

Scour my soul with the grit of lust.

I am clean.

Fucking my girl

She had been teasing me all night. And she had seen the picture of my blue dick and knew I was going to fuck her with it.

I cut her dress off, earlier I had laced her into it. I cut her gloves off too. I wanted to cut her panties off, I figured I bought them for her I should be able to cut them off her. She begged me not to so I relented.

I scratched, bit, shocked and slapped her, pulled out my crop and tapped her with it a few dozen times. Invited a mutual friend to flog her. Which she was delighted with, I kept a close eye on her and made sure she went as high as we could take her.

Then it was my turn to be victim to my dearest friends, my vampire gloves, and the violet wand. My friend was kind enough to flirt with me a bit with those items so I could get a bit high. We shocked a few people when he spanked me with the gloves on. Leaving bleeding prick marks on my ass.

I grabbed my girl and dragged her to a private room.

Strapped on blue, she put a rubber on me while I stuffed my bullet into another rubber and then with no more ceremony, laid her down and fucked her. I was on top of her and thrusting blue inside her. Squeezing her tits and licking and biting her nipples. She was cumming all over my cock and I was in absolute heaven.

Damn it was so hot and sexy. I totally get why guys love their dicks so much.

She rode me after I made her cum a few times. I held the vibe under her clit so everytime she pushed me deep she rubbed on the vibe. It was hot.

She sucked her cum off my cock and I informed her I could actually feel every stroke as if she was touching my clit. The base of the cock was resting on my pelvis but the vibrations were travelling. She thought that was hot and I let her play around with the sensations for a bit.

Then I bent her over a spanking bench and fucked her from behind. There was a mirrored closet beside us and I got to watch my dick fucking her. It was so sexy holding her hips and plowing my cock into her hole as hard and deep as I could. She kept coming and pushing my dick out of her as she clenched on it. I managed the trick of Holding it inside her once I figured out what she was doing.

She has such a sexy ass!

I swear the entire time I fucked her I was in orgasmic bliss. I never had an actual orgasm but I felt so good about giving her so much pleasure, there was no need for me to cum.

Sometimes the best pleasure I can receive is in knowing I am pleasing a lover.

Bits and Bites

I keep the shredded clothing from this scene in my closet as a reminder.

I am bound only by my wrists. I can move and squirm, twist and sway. I am fully clothed. There is a table filled with knives only one meter away.

I barely breathe, terrified of moving.

His eyes are sparkling as he picks up the first blade and holds it next to my face. He has my undivided attention. His voice is low and rough as he asks if I should move and I say in a quiet trembling voice, no. He asks why and I glance furtively at the blade, "it's sharp", is my breathless reply.

He responds with a nod, and runs the sharp tip down my jawline. I struggle to hold still. My skin in goosebumps as he runs the knife down my throat.

His gaze is so intent and I am whirling in my head, spun anxiously out between excitement and terror.

He begins cutting my clothes off. Blade poking through and scratching my skin as he cuts a bit off. He cuts more and more clothing free, the bits falling to the floor around us like leaves scattering off a tree.

I am drifting an ocean of emotions crashing through me. It all so surreal, his blades drag across my skin and I shudder at the sting of my skin being scratched and red lines start appearing. The blades are incredibly sharp.

The black blade he picks up, strikes fear inside me and I feel as if my core being is encased in ice. I tremble as he states threats in a clear calm voice. Unnerving me more is that voice that is so calm paired with those glittering eyes.

Depraved kinky man, torturing poor innocent me. Nevermind that I consented to this... I giggle softly at the craziness of it all.

My clothing is hanging in tattered rags, he has not exhausted his collection of knives. I dare a glance at the table as he steps away for the next one. He has many more to go.

Disbelief sets in, I was crazy to agree to this. One slip and I could wind up dead, or missing a body part! I start panicing and freaking out. He notices immediately and he is there just as fast. Calming me, telling me to breathe. My breathing slows and I look in his eyes. I trust him. I am safe.. relatively speaking!

He picks up a new knife, and cuts the rest of my clothing off. Naked now except a pair of cuffs on my wrists that are attached to the frame with sisal rope.

He is cutting through my skin with those sharp blades. Not to the flesh, just the first few layers of skin. Just enough to bring blood to the surface. I am shaking and flying high on the endorphines rushing through me like insane drugs.

His hand is on the rope, stretching me taller. I am on tip toe.

His hand flashes down, blade swinging...

The rope parts and I cry out, stumbling as my freedom is re-gained.

Happiness is...

A brand new strap on harness.

Check out my big blue dick. I have been strutting around the house for about 30 minutes enjoying the feeling of my cock bouncing and jouncing against my pelvis.

This is happiness. I need to get my cockrings out and all my various dildos (including the glow in the dark one) and try them all on.

This harness leaves my pussy bare and able to be fucked, licked, fingered or tormented.

I will be fucking my female friend tonight. (Look baby no hands!) I am so excited I am on the edge of orgasm.

I am going to have to pop one off right now! WOOHOO!

Devoured

His tongue presses into my mouth as her hands tangle in my hair and pull my head back. My clothing has been torn off me and tossed aside.

Bared to thier hunger.

I am trapped firmly between them. While my neck is exposed he growls and bites me, hard. I squeak and struggle but am held firmly.

Human bondage.

She is holding me by my hair and biting my shoulder while her fingernails scrape my butt cheek. I squirm and gasp and plead. "Please! OHH Please! Help me!"

Their laughter mingles as he slips lower and bites my nipple and her tongue teases the nape of my neck. Shivering uncontrollably as she kicks my legs apart and he rubs his cock head on my slippery cunt. My body betrays my lust to them.

He is thrusting inside me and her nails are raking across my scalp as she tightens her grip. Her breasts squished against my back and the scent of our mixed desire spurns my passion to new heights.

Whimpering and begging, I feel her hand slip down and she pokes her finger in my bum and uses her fingertips to feel my juices coating his dick. I am in orgasmic bliss.

Crying now, and begging for release. The response is harder fucking and his teeth at my throat, gnashing and scraping the flesh. She is squeezing my tits and my nipples are poking out and rubbing hard into his chest.

Rocking my hips hard between them, I am squirting and screaming in ecstasy. Shuddering as her nails scrape hard down my back, I am launched into orbit. Endorphine high obliterating all senses excepting pleasure.

Yes... this is what I crave tonight. Come feed your desires in my lust.

The Penis

Male genitals make up fully half of the sex organs I am most fond of, with vulvas firmly filling the other half.

I like to think I am true split. I want both equally for entirely different reasons. That however is a different discussion.

Tonight I must discuss the penis.

Ah that most obvious of sex organs, I often wonder if the phrase "stand proud" originated in an erection. One of my favorite things about male reproductive organs are the various names used to describe them. I find it delightful!

We have penis which is the true medical term along with the more specific description of glans and testicles etc. (I don't want to stray from the shaft to far)

Cock, dick, shaft, peter, pecker, pork, dong, schlong, man-meat, sausage, prick, weiner, wee-wee, are al varients of the above. I'm so sure that there must be dozens more.

I like the names people give their dicks. Here are the most memorable for me.

Purple headed love warrior, yes that was all one name, he would sometimes call it his one eyed monster too.

Winky, binky and jack. Not the most original, but fun.

John, as in, I need to use the John (that was my hint to meet him in the bathroom so we could fuck) or hey how is John doing? Is he still as tall as ever? Yes I quite liked this one.

Thor, thunder, and Ceasar, the latter was indeed in reference to a conquering emperor. Ambitious boy he was LOL!

Thumper, that was fun.

Pokey as in I poke you pokey, not "Pokey the little puppy" although that would have made me chuckle.

Igor, I was informed it was because he leaned to one side and had a big eye.

Cyclops the Invicible, yes he had a bit of a thing...

Spock, because he could love long and prosper (one of my favs, he was so fun.)

So if any men reading this, or women, would like to share theirs or their partners penis name I would ADORE hearing it! Either in the comments or email, your pick.

Who knows I may use your cock name in my next story *winks*

Pinned

I love force.

A man who can pin me and force me, has my loyalty. It reminds me of when I was angry with Master.

I was frustrated. I had worn his training collar for 6 months and I felt extremely dissatisfied. He had hinted at things he wanted to share with me, but then wouldn't. He played games with me.. toying with my emotions and my sexuality. I was coming unglued.

I was desperate.

I had a ritual I must follow before arriving at his home. I had to be cleanly waxed. Clothed in only a skirt, blouse and jacket. Thigh high stockings and heels. No panties, no bra. Hair perfect, clean and ready for him.

I had to park across the street and cross to his door. Knock, enter and without looking at him or anything else, remove my jacket, flip up my skirt and kneel in the middle of the floor. Arms stretched out in front of me, awaiting his inspection.

I am angry because I am not getting my way. I am trying to think of ways to get his attention as I feel ignored. I detest being overlooked.

I speak to him. I tell him how angry I am and that I don't want to obey anymore. I tell him that I don't want to come over. I always have to come to his house and he never comes to mine. I am seething inside, my anger is bubbling over inside me and I can not and will not contain it.

He orders me to come over. I tell him FINE but I will not obey anything else. I get in my car and start my trip to his home. My phone rings, he asks what I am wearing and I tell him my bra, panties, dress pants and a shirt. He tells me I best not have bra or panties on when I arrive at his house.

I sneer at him through the phone and ask what will happen if I do. He tells me if I wear them, I will not get anything I want this weekend. No pleasure, it will be a vanilla weekend entirely. I am shaking with rage. Yes rage is the right word now, my anger has intensified and I am clenching my teeth together. I throw my phone on the seat beside me and swear at it.

I get within a block of his house, stop at a gas station go into the bathroom and remove my panties and bra. I jam them into my bag and see there is a message blinking on my phone. It is a text from Master. "I love you even when you are angry Mine, obey me, everything will be ok. ~ Master"

I am nearing tears as my frustration churns in my gut and I feel sick. I park across the street from his house. Angry that I am not even allowed to park in his driveway. He treats me like shit.

I get out of my car and slam the door shut. Stomping across the street and knocking loudly on his door.

The door opens, I can smell him, I won't look at him. I step inside, throw my coat on the floor and pull my pants off and throw them beside it. Messing up Master's perfect house.

I throw myself to the floor wearing only my blouse. Kneeling and stretching out. My breath is coming in gasps and I am nearly sobbing in my emotional state.

I hear him walking around me, I know he is looking down at me. I arch my back and tense every muscle in my body. Trying to close myself off from him in this wide open position he has me in.

His hand is on my butt cheek and I move away from his touch angrily. I don't want him to touch me! I want to speak and I want him to speak! He has not given me words yet and I am bound by my contract to obey him. My emotions whirling inside me, white hot.

He is silent and kneeling behind me. I am breathing in great huffs. He grabs my hips and without any warning he is pushing his cock into me and fucking me.

Fine! I fuck back into him hard. Pushing against him with all my strength. His hands are at my waist and I am growling in low gutteral tones. He is fucking me hard and I am holding back my orgasms.

Suddenly I am flipped on my back and my shirt is ripped open. He is squeezing my tits in his hands. He doesn't look at me, he treats me like a wild animal. I am hitting him and struggling and trying to get away.

He pins me to the floor and his cock is inside me. He is so strong and I am fighting him and gasping and crying and trying to bite him. His hands press me flat to floor and he takes his pleasure. I am squirting all over his cock and I am crying and screaming now "NO NO NO" my body has betrayed me. My passion is so obvious, and I am his to take and mold however he wishes.

He owns me. I am in tears as he whispers in my ear to fight all I want, that my body knows where it belongs. His thrusting is deep and hard and I am cumming again. He pulls out and sprays his cum all over my breasts and tummy.

He gets off me and walks to the kitchen. I can hear water running. I am sitting up on the floor and I am still thrumming with anger. This has solved nothing!

He comes back to me and has a glass of water that he hands to me. I look at it and take it from him. I want to throw it at him, but I don't quite dare. The thought actually scares me a bit. I sob and  burst into tears.

He takes the glass from me and sets it aside. He pulls me into his arms and strokes my hair softly. I am struggling to get away and fighting him and crying. Cussing and telling him I don't want this, telling him how angry I am and how unfair it is. Not using words as he still hasn't given then to me, only in my struggling and wild screams.

He has pinned me flat to the floor in an instant. Face down this time. And he is raping me. I am struggling and trying to get away. His hands are rough and hurting me and his cock is insistent at pulling each shuddering orgasm from deep inside me. The carpet under me is rough and scraping at my skin and the pain only makes me struggling more. His hands pushing me harder and deeper. I teeter on the edge of desire and anger and then tumble off into the abyss that is his passion.

He pulls his cock out of me and sprays cum all over my ass, marking me as his bitch. I am crying now in great racking sobs. He will not even feed me his cum... I am nothing but a cunt now.

I lay there crying, he pulls me up off the floor and cradles me to his chest. His hands are gentle now, and I am sobbing. He just holds me and rubs his hands over my body, he can feel that the stress of all the anger has left me. That and I am no longer trying to hit him.

I look up into his big brown eyes, I see concern and compassion in their depths, behind the confidence that always shines from him. I know my own gaze shows my confusion and my sorrow. I know, in that moment, that he can take anything I throw at him.

He continues to soothe me until I stop crying and then points across the room. There are five white roses and one red rose in a vase. He tells me they are for me. He tells me how beautiful I am, and that the white roses represent the purity and passion I bring to him each time I visit. The red one is my anger.

He asks me what I will do with the red rose. I look up at him and move away to sit cross legged beside him. Pondering the red, vibrant amongst the white. "I will leave it there for you Master, you must take all of me if you want any of me."

His answer is a smile and his hands, his roughened calloused hands, gently pull me back to him.

I am always amazed that I obeyed him even in this absolute rage I was in. I trusted that he could fix it, I trusted that he knew how to take care of me. In that moment, he did.

Songbird

We had been planning on attending the party for some time and I wanted to spend time with her so badly. She looked so beautiful and I was smitten. She flaunts her panties at me, they are the ones I gave her. *shiver*

I wanted her. Now. It was all I could do to push my desire aside and escort her to my car.

We had to stop at my place as I had just come from work. I showered and asked her to dress me. She picked my clothing carefully and I dressed and watched her as she lounged on my chaise. Her skirt hiked up and bared her legs. I slid my feet into my shoes and swallowing back my lust, watch her as she puts her boots back on.

Back in the car and arriving at the house. We wander back and come into her friends home. It is charming but I really only have interest in her.

The party is a small intimate gathering, and I am very quiet. I am to filled with desire for much conversation. I flirt with her constantly.

At one point they put on a song that she is singing in and I feel myself melting. So sexy, talented and beautiful. And tonight she will be mine.

She kneels beside me and puts her arms around me. I bury my face in her hair and inhale her scent. My heart quickens. I tell her softly how good she smells and that I am going to tie her to the pillar at home and take advantage of her.

She announces it is time to go.

We are in the car again and I am blasting Metallica, feeling the strong powerful music coursing through me. The sound of her voice is echoing inside me and mingling with the throbbing beats and my pulsing lust.

We are home, and I tell her to remove her clothing. She asks, all of it? I turn on the fire as I reply with a firm yes.

I have placed a variety of toys on the table and a pile of silk scarves. I escort her to the pillar and ask her what her safeword is. She hesitates and I tell her red, and she nods and says she will also tap on the pillar or me, and the faster the tap means the higher she is and that she is no longer capable of breathing to say red.

I agree and tie a scarf in front of her eyes so she can not see. Her hands find the pillar above her head and I laugh and tease her that there is no need to bind her and swat her ass. She squirms and moans softly.

Ah that voice.

I swat her bum with my bare hand several more times and then I begin scratching her. First with my fingernails and then with sharp sticks and after she is moaning and shaking I grab my crop and start beating her ass with it as I pinch her nipples tight in my fingernails. She is tapping the pole and not breathing.

I set the crop back on the table and run a silk scarf up and down her back, bringing her back a bit until I feel her starting to relax.

I grab an abrasive glove and a latex glove, I lube my fingers and slide them into her lips, fingering her clit as I scrape the rough glove over her ass and back. She is dancing now and pressing eagerly into my thrusting fingers as I stroke her breasts with the sharp points.

Running my gloved hand between her thighs I bite her nipples and suddenly she is begging. Her knees are weak, in her lust, and I am laughing.

I lay her down on the couch after removing the blindfold and introduce her to one of my favorite vibrators. She opens her legs wide and I am in my glory as I thrust my toy in and out of her. My hand stroking the shaft of her clit as she shudders and cums. I lean over her, still thrusting and capture her nipple between my teeth. She is bucking into my toy and crying out in shuddering squeals and I am enraptured by her.

It is not long before she is tapping again.

To soon it seems the scene has ended and I am enfolding her in my warm embrace. Cuddling her and caressing her softly.

My lark sings to me... I am infatuated with her sweet song.

Tease

I can tease as well as be teased!

I was taking him to his first party at a private club I frequented. I had dressed him and together we looked so hot.

He was driving and my hand was on his thigh, stroking softly up and down his leg. I turned and looked at him, damn he is so handsome. An evil little grin played over my lips.

"You can't fuck me there"

He glanced at me, startled.

"You are not allowed to fuck me, you can only fuck me when I say you can."

He smiled at me a bit nervously. "ok"

And then we were there and everyone was coming inside and I had friends around me and I was introducing him and laughing and joking with them.

Someone wandered by with a bag full of silk scarves and I asked him to tie me up. He made sure my friend was ok with it and then pounced on me. It was fun, I play well with this man although usually I tie him up.

He bound me to a metal frame and then rubbed me all over until I had an orgasm. Then he let me go, I hugged him and kissed him.

Returning to my friend I pulled him into a side room and tossed him on a sofa, straddling him and rubbing my hot and lust filled body all over him. His eyes were sparkling with desire and his hands kept cupping my ass and squeezing my breasts.

I hopped off him and grabbed a sex machine. I set it up in a corner of the room and directed him to sit beside me. He sat down and watched me climb on board the monkey rocker. I rocked my way to 3 orgasms before he just couldn't contain his excitement anymore and he pulled me off onto the bed with him. He placed my hands on the wall and crawled between my legs and licked and sucked all the juices from my pussy. His tongue brought me to the edge again and I moved away, wanting to hold onto the hunger.

I pushed him back when he tried to get up off the bed and yanked his shorts down to reveal his raging hard on. Yehaw! I went to town sucking and licking and biting his cock. He was groaning and moaning so loud we soon had an audience. I kept increasing the intensity until I was sure he was going to blow and then clambered on top of him and let his cock twitch and slither between my lips. Not allowing him to penetrate me just feel my heat and wet juice dripping, rubbing so his cock rubbed my clit, I came on him in a big gush and he moaned and whimpered. I slipped back down to suck my girl gush off him and then pulled away.

"No fucking till we get home, big boy."

I cleaned the machine and talked to a few friends. Did a sexy little dance and teased a few girls.
Then it was time to go.

When we got home I could tell he was tired and wanted to sleep, but I was raring to go and we still hadn't fucked. I pulled my clothes off and helped him out of his.

I pushed him to the bed and clambered on top of him. His hard cock trapped under my pelvis, he reached his hands back to grab my ass. I grabbed his hands and gave him a stern look. "NO touching!"

I rubbed my pussy on his cock and let him feel how wet I was. He was watching me and groaning and I was squeezing my tits. He opened his mouth and leaned forward to suck on my nipples. I squirmed away from him.

"NOO you can only lick them."

I let the tip of his cock push inside me slowly while I fed him my boobs. He licked the nipples in slow circles and then suddenly he was sucking. I jerked back and pinched his nipple hard!

"I said only licking!"

"I'm sorry goddess, I'm sorry it slipped."

I slid his cock all the way inside me and he writhes and moans as I twist his sensitive nipples.

"How can it slip? hmm?"

"I! I forgot!" He is gasping now and trying to hump me, I have relaxed into him and we bounce without him moving inside me.

"No more nipples for you for awhile, forgettful boy"

And then I begin to ride him in long slow strokes. He is gasping and groaning and trying to speed me up by thrusting faster.

"Do you want to lick my nipples again."

He bites his lip and nods up at me, his hips still thrusting.

"Then stop trying to make me go faster boy, I will fuck you how it pleases me."

He whimpers and his frantic thrusting stops. I lean forward and rub my nipples one at a time on his extended tongue. He is whimpering and looking up and me and shuddering. I fuck a bit faster and gasp as I cum on his cock.

I reach between us dip my fingers in my pussy juice and lick them. Leaning away from his mouth I scoop up more of my cum and smear it over my nipples. He is whining now and eyeing up my nipples. I lean forward and rub my cum coated nipple on his lips.

"Suck them clean."

His mouth is greedily sucking my nipples and I am fucking him in long hard strokes. His hands creep up and squeeze my tits and I allow him this. I am cumming again and squirting all over his cock.

Suddenly I am on my back and he has taken over, I know he can't stand it anymore.

"That's right boy, take me now and make us cum."

He fucks me hard and fast, gasping as he pushes us both over the edge into ecstasy. He collapses and lays on top of me panting.

That was one hot night...

Wait a minute

I am at a complete loss. I do not understand why people lie. It makes no sense to me at all.

Why tell me you have done something when you have not. Why lie to me about your age, height, body type, religion, orientation, marital status.. any of it? I don't understand.

I recently found three former lovers lying to other people. Stupid lies, about age and appearance. You can't change your age hun, it's just a number really. As for putting up a picture of yourself from 10 years ago... don't you think they will figure this one out?

This allows me the ability to cast all interaction between us in doubt. It is now overshadowed by your lies. Even though your lies were not directed at me!

I am a very open minded accepting person. Deception is not required to gain my friendship. Attempts to manipulate me with lies will only lead to my scepticism and red flag you. I don't play with people who have red flags.

If you lie to me, you immediately remove my ability to consent. Everything you do from the lie forward is non-consensual.

Is it how you get off? Do you fear I will reject you?

I will tell you this, if you lie to me, I will find out. Maybe not today, tomorrow, or next week. I will find out at some point, and when I do, I WILL walk away. Thats right, your fear of rejection will become a reality.

Oh and you.. the cheater who denied me the truth.. you hurt me, yes you do. Everytime I discover a new liar another piece of my trust in basic humanity just dies. You are a soul thief, stealing bits of my life, of my precious time and energy.

Are you proud of being one of the crowd of common thieves? Or being a non-exceptional person, who schemes and spins yarns to get what they want? Do you steal candy from children too? Despicable!

Ask for what you want, state your truth clearly. These are the people I willingly accept into my life. These are the extraordinary lovers, friends, and play partners that I will devote time and energy to.

Liars, are forever banned from my life.

I love my butt

Ahhhh yes I do love my bum. From my great round cheeks to the sensitive crack, right down to the sensitive rosebud...

Spank, flog, scratch, bite, cane, tickle, fuck... mmmmmm it's all good!

Butt sex is very good.. I am happy of the recent reminder. Thank you much :)

The denial continues.. I was recently fucked six ways from Sunday, and denied orgasm the entire time. I want to cum so badly I am ready to scream and am sending begging messages continuously. I have been trying to convince him that I want it. So far I have failed.

His dick in my hand and balls in my mouth, failed. His pecker stroked and prostrate massaged, failed. His cock in my mouth and my finger in his ass, failed.

(omg I am dripping wet typing this out)

His peter in my pussy, failed. His dong in my ass, and me sobbing and begging to cum, failed. Ah! The agony!

Success is imminent I shall not give up! Cock ring and butt toys are next... if I please him... I can gush... oh please oh please oh please!!!!!!

The Crypt

"C'mon Sara it will be fun, and private..."

Mark was trying to convince me that going for a midnight picnic in the old graveyard was a good idea. He was not doing a great job so far.

"The beach is private to Mark"

He shrugged, and started packing a bag with thermos full of hot cocoa and snacks. I grabbed a few blankets from the hall closet and we got in the car, Mark was driving.

"This is not the way to the beach." I frowned and looked out into the darkness, trees were crowding close around the road and my imagination was already starting to run away with me.

He just smiled and placed his hand on my thigh, trying to be reassuring I suppose. I tried to relax and not think about the dead bodies in the ground.

We pulled to the side of the road and he flashed a quick smile at me as he shut the car off, his teeth gleaming bright white in the surrounding gloom. I shivered and grabbed the bag, opening my door and slipping out into the cool moonless night. I was glad I had brought blankets.

A thick fog began creeping across the ground as we slipped between a gap in the fence and we surveyed the old tombstones poking out of the earth, senseless to mark someones passing with a stone that will last much longer than their own life did.

The trees have been slowly taking this space back and the grass is growing long. We wander through the yard, stumbling over a tumbled stone, until we get to the entrance of a large stone mausoleum. I am gripping Mark's hand tight and he is grinning, he likes it when I need him to feel safe.

I spread out one of the blankets next to the wall, the fog is very thick now and I can barely see. Mark is blending in as he wore all black and he has such dark hair.

"Sara I forgot to lock the car I will go do that." He wanders off and leaves me all alone. I am stuck watching the fog roll in thicker and waiting for him to return.

I shiver and wrap the second blanket around me, when I hear him returning. He is silent as he comes out of the darkness and I can only see the pale glow of his skin as he settles onto the blanket in front of me. His features blurry in the fog, he reaches for me and touches fingertips over my face. His hands are cold and I shiver and pull the blanket tighter.

He moves closer and I notice for the first time how good he smells, all earthy and like clear water. He pulls me into his embrace and I cuddle close against him. He feels so strong and I am lulled into a feeling of safety. His face is buried in my hair and he is smelling me and making yummy sounds. I mmmm right back at him. I turn and kiss his cold lips, tangling my fingers in his hair and pressing close. He has never felt so good and never been so passionate. I guess this was a good idea!

I press closer and feel his hands sliding up my shirt and cool fingers pinch my nipples, I arch my back and break our kiss to gasp at the intensity of it. His lips are kissing along my jawline and down my throat. I feel him bite just above my collar bone, I shudder and surrender to him. My hands slide under his shirt and caress his back, shivering as he feels so cold. He pulls my shirt up and kisses my breasts, cool lips tracing over my skin and making goosebumps. He lays me back gently on the blanket and murmurs soft loving words.

I feel a sense of unease as he kisses my lips harder, his lips are so firm, and stone cold. I try to move away and realize I am trapped under him. I struggle to move my head and pull back far enough to get a good look, his eyes flash open, startling grey-blue eyes gaze back at me. Mark's eyes are brown.

I scream and struggle wildly against him, it is like fighting stone. He moves only to place a hand over my mouth and to smile down at me. His teeth glitter white and I am startled by the long canines.

"We were having such lovely picnic darling. Don't ruin it by fighting me, we were just getting to the best part."

His voice is mesmerizing me, like silk it flows over me, soft and smooth. Staring into his calm eyes I feel the peace restored within me and I relax... wondering in a small corner of my mind if I have gone crazy. The thought is to far away and doesn't stir enough emotion to cause any action.

His lips are carressing my cheek and his cold hands are sliding over my body and setting my senses on fire. He kisses down my throat to my bared chest and his lips feel so gentle and soft. His teeth are sharp and I barely feel him puncture the skin of my breast. He licks the wound and now his tongue is warm with my blood. I feel him drawing blood through the two small holes.. he is warmer now and his hands are questing between my legs, my hips rock and I revel in his touch. His tongue is licking my nipple and I am shuddering as his fingers slide inside and press deep. Gasping in pleasure as his teeth graze my nipple and his thumb slides, wet from my juices, over my clit.

He shifts and is pulling his cock free of his pants, he is hard and I am ready to feel him inside me. Arching my back as he slides inside, two long strokes and I am cumming. I cry out and dig my nails into his back. His pale grey eyes are staring into my bright green gaze, I see nothing but his eyes as I am transported in waves of desire.

I hear a low growl from him and he bites me again just above my nipple, drawing my blood as he sucks the tiny punctures and my nipple. I am straining to meet each of his thrusts. His hand squeezes my breast and the other tangles in my hair. He growls louder and I feel him spasm inside me, I clench my muscles triggering my own orgasm.

So gently now he withdraws, and wraps me back in my blankets. I am cold and sleepy, it must be very late... I curl up on my side and look at him in the fog, unable to keep my eyes open I drift off to sleep..

I awake the next day warm in my own bed. I sit up and stretch, looking around and wondering how I got home... the last thing I remembered was Mark going to lock the car.. I wonder what he spiced the cocoa with. I stumble out of bed and notice how sore and weak I feel. Crossing to stand naked in front of the mirror I am shocked by the deep purple bruises covering my bruises.

Wait until I see him again I think, snatching my phone from my bag and sending him a text that read only "Bad boy" a few moments later he responds with "good girl". I grin and toss my phone in my bag to jump in the shower.

Stephan watches her from the window and sees her grin at the text. He likes this one and will keep her as a toy for a long time... He is so glad he got that silly boy out of his way..

Halloween is coming :)

Denial

Oh how sweet that word. I love to be denied pleasure.. for some reason it makes getting it finally so much more intense.

I have not had an orgasm in 2 weeks. When recently asked the longest I have ever gone my response was 6 months.

I had just split from my first dominant and I was trained to cum only when he desired it. I had "forgotten" how to cum on my own. That and when I had forced him from my home, and removed the bonds between us I had crumpled to the floor and experienced for the first time a love loss. I "keened" it was an intensely painful experience, and I spent nearly a year regaining my sense of self.

Orgasms was something I needed to reclaim and it wasn't until I was speaking with a Dominant friend who then asked me how long since I had orgasmed (as I was eating mass quantities of chocolate) that I realized my last orgasm had been at J's command. He immediately told me to go cum 3 times, which I did and I felt much better afterward. It took me about another 6 months to regulate my masturbation so that I was cumming with any regularity.

I have had another Dominant since then and a Master and a Mistress, and a few lovers... Master had the biggest effect of all of them on my self love. None of them practiced denial so I never had to go through such a strange bondage through orgasm again.

I am currently being denied. It is making me lusty. I am on edge and antsy and I want to fuck so badly I think I will die. I expect that my first orgasm will be a flood and I best bring some waterproof sheets and plenty of towels. Denial causes a river in me LOL.

The begging has commenced and I am ready to cum at a moments notice.

The Rain

I went for a long walk this morning in the rain. I enjoy fall rain, it is nourishing. I wore clothes I could get wet in and I sloshed through puddles as I walked.

Feeling the rain slashing down on me and running in rivulets over my body is soothing to my soul. I imagine I am of the earth and need the rain as the goddess does.

At home again I walk through my house to the backyard and strip off my wet clothing. Naked I wander through my yard, grass soaking wet under my feet, earth squishing in between my toes. My hands caressing the leaves and trees and ferns. I am blessed to be able to embrace nature in my back yard in the rain.

I lean my back to the birch tree, the bark smooth against my bare skin and turn my face to the sky. Thank you for the rain today, the drops wash my face and my tears mingle. I shudder and sigh softly, opening my mouth to feel the cold wet drips on my tongue.

I am not sad just a bit tired of having to hide who I am from the people I love the most. My tears are out of minor frustration, and out of longing for freedom from self restraint. I have freedom in many forms, but that one area I will never be free of.

I turn and embrace my tree, I will miss this tree when I move. Pressing my cheek to the bark and knowing we will only have one more moonlit night together, and when we do he will sleep while I dance.

I go inside, pick up my wet clothes and climb into a hot shower.

Happy Birthday to me

I bought myself a new toy today. It is called a Fulcrum Flame. A smaller pocket knife, a bit flashy (like its owner) an interesting way to click it open, and an interesting hilt that fits in my hand perfectly. The steel is cold to the initial touch but warms quickly.

I adore knife play, there is something intensely erotic to me about the feel of cold steel. So hard and sharp, unforgiving. I get creamy just thinking about it.

I am laying in bed at this moment running the edge of it over my skin and getting very aroused. It is quite sharp, although I believe it should be sharper. The actual blade is black so only the edge and point shine in glow of the monitor. The point is very nice... I touch it to my nipple and sigh softly. Delicious, and the memories it brings up are bright and startling.

It has been months since my knife scene at a local club and I think I need to repeat it again soon. I found the bits of my clothing in my closet the other day. I keep them and when I need a rush I open the bag and run the pieces through my hands. The rope collar is visible from where I am laying. I pick it up often to feel the prickly and stiff work rope and steel clasp.

Sharp pointy things excite me.

I have a strong desire to drip wax on a body and then use my blade to scrape it off their skin. I want to glide the sharp edge over their skin and watch the reactions. Hmm perhaps I should erect a sign up sheet.

I want to share the joy.

Thank you to everyone who contributed to making my birthday a happy one. My last year has been amazing and wonderful and I can only believe this one will be even more incredible. The list of events I attend has grown over the last year and I have found a few private spaces that I enjoy playing in and one public space.

See you around.

Glittering Star

This is for a certain star that wandered my way one day and was kind enough to shed his glittering light into a darkness I was feeling. Thank you, I hope you always know how much I appreciate your friendship.

We had met previously at several very public events, munches mostly. I knew his reputation definitely preceeded him and that he was highly respected. He knew I had not scened in a year and a half, I was nervous, and I was in nearly dire need of pain stimulus. I had a chaperone accompany me to his place to scene, she was someone I trusted (and still do explicitly).


We negotiated, I expressed my concerns as I had not scened in so very long. My thoughts were that I would top out quickly and that my pain tolerance would be very low. We looked over his floggers, he asked my preferences, a pair of new vampire gloves he had made became part of the scene. Wartenburg wheel which was one of my favorites. A few crops, I declined needles, and declined on the canes.


We were ready and I still had my clothing on... he looked at me expectantly, I shivered, this was all so new after being a slave. I disrobed, thinking that I better move it before he decides he doesn't want to play.


His spanking bench was set up in the middle of the room and I turned and bent over it. I could feel his hands slide over my skin, I was warm but felt so cold inside. Fear was cresting like waves inside me, beating against the inside of my skin. I gripped the bench and he started to spank me with his bare hands. I was fairly silent, and very still, absorbing the pain and allowing it the resonate inside me like nearly forgotten music. My skin felt warm and tingly and I could feel myself beginning to reach into his swing. Asking for more, craving everything he could give me.


I felt the leather falls carress over my ass, he trailed them up and down my back. I trembled in anticipation. I had told him I wanted thud, and I knew he was about to give it to me. Shifting my weight slightly I bent forward and rested on my elbows. The strokes began.


Hard, slow beats of the flogger against my ass.. I was enchanted with the rhythm, with the way he varied the tempo and intensity. I relaxed and let go of my fear and opened myself up to the glorious sensations. I was drifting, the thud, THUD of his flogger lulling me. Trance like I move back so I am resting on my hands, and he begins beating my back. It is unlike anything I have felt before, I am perfectly still and I must be nearly silent, I am internalizing all of this pain and feeling his energy flow down through the falls of the flogger and into me. It is a slow burn that grows in it's intensity as he thuds harder and harder into me.


He switched to a bunny fur flogger, rubbing it over my reddened and swollen skin. I am rocking my hips and swaying and moaning softly. The cool fur feels so good against my back and bum. Then I feel a WHUMP as he hits me with it, still soft but with a definite thud. I like this and say green, he hits me with it several more times and I feel the tension start leaving my body. I start shedding the last of the restraints that were left from Master.


His heavy flogger is back in his hands and he is striking me harder and faster. I am gasping and arching my back, wanting more.. oh please I need so much more. He is talented with his flogger and I feel like a puppet on a string. It is good we negotiated before hand, and good I brought a chaperone. I am utterly defenseless against his assault, and I have no desire for anything but the continuing fall of those wicked thumping leather strips against my sensitive skin.


He trades the flogger back to the bunny flogger, rubbing me with it as he asks if I am ok, I respond yes and nod. He asks if I want to continue and I say yes. I hear his soft chuckle and the bunny is removed from my burning hot skin.


He replaces it with a crop. This is cruel I think and tears smart as I squirm a bit and lean forward on my elbows to hold myself still. His crop is between my legs and swatting my inner thighs, it is to much and I call "YELLOW" He stops immediately. His hand is on the small of my back, he has dropped the crop. He brushes the hair out of my face and looks in my eyes. I am panting, "please not there, please not the crop inside my thighs" His response is OK. His hands are rubbing my flaming skin. He gives me a few minutes to gather myself and I take several deep breathes and nod my head that I am ready to continue.


He picks up the crop and taps me on my butt with it a few times, assuring himself and me that I am ok. Then he starts making welts on my ass and the back of my thighs. I am crying out with every strike now and the pain is sudden and sharp, orgasmic in its release. I am flying higher than ever and I am still feeling his control over the entire scene. Confident now that my needs will be respected I shudder as I release all the pent up fear and soften into a deep submissive state.


His flogger is back again, has he switched to a heavier one? It feels like an even deeper thud and I am utterly mindless as his attack on my back and bottom continues.


He flogged and cropped and spanked me for over two and a half hours on my back. Then he wrapped me in a blanket and had me sit on the spanking bench and sip water. I relaxed and drifted and felt my attention wander for a moment.. the water felt so nice and cool trickling down my throat, my ass and back were on fire and it felt like maybe the water was pouring down the inside of me when it should be on the outside.


That was when he picked up the wartenburg wheel. I set the empty glass aside as he approached me with a sly smile on his face. "Didn't you say that you liked this little toy." Mute with eager anticipation I let the blanket fall open at my chest and lean back thrusting my breasts towards him. He responds by rolling the wheel across my nipple and I gasp and close my eyes. Delicious sharp edge of pain, so cruel and so very neccessary to my being. I soak it up as he drags the pointy wheel over my boobs, poking in a pattern only he can discern. I am shuddering and gasping and begging him with every cell in my body for more.


He is laughing at my response and I can do nothing to hide it. I am defenseless again and vulnerable, and I feel infinitly safe. He stops and puts on a vampire glove. I am shaking uncontrollably in desire. He starts by gripping my shoulder in that wicked grasp, points digging into my skin. I am transported to another place, and this begins my love of vampire gloves.


The next hour is spent scratching and poking and tormenting my breasts, tummy, tops of my thighs, and all my front bits. The wheel, the gloves, and a crop that is expertly wielded.


The scene slows and ends, I sit wrapped in the blanket and he is kneeling in front of me and I am hugging him. I am so glad I followed my instincts and allowed this scene to take place.


Blissed out I slowly dress and then sit on the couch between him and my chaperone. Warmth and comfort surrounds me, I am pleasantly achy and stretch my legs out, flexing different muscles as I slowly drift back to earth. The room is filled with soft conversation and I am lulled.

Just a small note, this was likely the longest scene I have personally bottomed in and I still had marks 3 weeks later. I enjoyed every moment, even when I yellowed I enjoyed the response, and that I was confident to continue the scene.